da beeg tree-ohhh

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRIAN!!!!!!!! oh my goodness....30!!??!?!?!...
hooooo. old man now. don't forget fo stretch before you go in da water, k? =)

i am so grateful that after too many years, i reconnected with my good friend brian. we ate lunch at gina's (mini chicken...nuf said about that), then went to ross' with joanne. after about 30 minutes at ross', brian called me and said, "i'm going to starbucks across the street..." what a great guy to put up with us two shopping crazed women. i don't know many guys other than my james that would *voluntarily* go to ross' with me and jo. after spending the next hour and a half shopping, we picked up brian across the street, then james from work, and the rest of the dwyers joined us for dinner at ward bucca de beppo's. the night ended with hanging out at... where else but ward starbucks? good times. sorry i don't have pics (see brian's blog).

brian, i appreciate you.
you love Jesus. you love others. it is evident in all that you do and say. God bless you this coming year my big brother.

my friend is so smart

amber, you are da bestest est est esssstttt. i love you and miss you!!!!!!! =)

home church

we (finally) decided on faith christian fellowship as our home church. it's good to go "home".

we will be helping out with 'the outlet' (jr high/high school) group lead by the tamaoka's. this past week, there were 40+ students there! i was reminded of the good old days with jon and amy. the ministry room adjacent to the office looks a little different, but smells really bad...like toe jams. i'm not kidding; according to steph, it stinks because the boy's play soccer (indoors) there.

visit from the dwyers

tonight james and i went to kanawai park with the dwyers. they are visiting hawaii before they move to mexico next month. we bbq'd boneless rib-eyes and had rice and corn. mmmmmm. the boys played on the playground. then we went back to our place and had bubbie's mochi ice cream and hung out.

i also found ally (loveless) through jo's myspace account. ally was one of my best friends in high school.

tomorrow jo and i are going to the swap meet so we can go SHOPPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =)

i am running on 3 hours of sleep after working an almost 13 hour shift last night.... it's worth it though to hang out with friends you haven't seen for forever.

Back home for good

Well, I moved back home about 2 months ago, and yes, it has taken me that long to post an update. I don't even know if anyone reads this anyways...except for you Amber... =)

We are renting a house in town, bought a used car, and started my new job. I am purposely not including the name of my hospital because I plan to continue writing about work on this blog and doing so would violate HIPAA (patient privacy) laws that I am bound to as a health care worker. So please do not mention it on this blog if you know.

Yesterday was a crazy day in the unit. The day shift nurses came on and it had been less than 15 minutes before we were doing running a code and doing chest compressions on a kid that had come up from CT. I think that was the first time I had actually seen a full, blown-out code. The air was so tense as the nurses and the the team stayed calm giving meds, doing compressions, and other interventions. It was not on my patient, so I helped by calling pharmacy, being a runner, and stayed with the patient's mom. We had let the parents in to let them watch us run the code (this is often done when it's towards the end - so the family can see that eveything is being done for their child). This mom was obviously in shock and I just kept my hand on her shoulders and back to let her know I was there. By the time we came in, the night shift had been coding the kid on and off for about 4 hours - and it went on for about another 45 minutes before the docs "called it"(let go/stop compressions/stop the code).

We had to get ourselves together and take care of the other kids. The unit was very tearful, and tense, as everyone could hear the sobbing of a mother who had just lost her child. It echoed throughout the unit for hours.

This is the second death that I have seen in the unit in less than 2 months. The other kid died a few weeks ago. He was on ECMO for heart failure, and his parents decided it was time to do discontinue care. I helped with his postmortem care, and somehow it helped me to deal with my dad's death. I was able to be there for this child right after he died, something I was not able to do for my dad as I was still in California.

Another two deaths - James B. (former KUC youth pastor/missionary) was killed in a hit-and-run car accident earlier this month in San Jose, CA. We had visited with James, his wife Brenda, and their kids last years in LA county. Also, my uncle's brother (Uncle Bill) died in his home last month from stomach cancer. I did not know Uncle Bill, but remembered that he was very kind to me and Nori during our elementary school days.

I have a heavy heart, but am refreshed that God has all things in control even though it does not seem like it to me. It's good to be home with family and friends. James comes home at the end of this month.

vegas trip

this past weekend, james and i went to vegas with jojo and hiromi (good friends from church). jojo drove, and they had uku-billion vouchers for our hotel rooms and for food. we stayed at caesar's palace the first night, then at the wynn the second night. we ate at the paris hotel's buffet. the key is to get in line and pay by around 10:30 am so you get in at the breakfast price, but also get to eat the lunch items. yum yum!

we also saw the blue man group show. i enjoyed watching and hearing 6 different drummers going at it at the same time.

we also went shopping!!!!!! oh yeah. we hit 3 different outlet's (fyi, this was jojo's idea) and went to fry's in vegas. of course they have a gambling theme - but their store is way nicer than what we have in ca.

highlights:
-buying nori a coach purse
-buying myself a coach purse
-eating at the paris
-the great view of the bellagio from our room at caesar's palace
-shopping!!!
-spending quality with james
-shopping!!...did i mention that already?
-getting out of OC for a couple of days
-shopping
-not thinking of work or school

i didn't gamble. i'm not really interested in it, more interested in shopping. james is undercontract through his job so he's not allowed to. he loves poker, but wouldn't play for real money even if he could.

nori said, "i can't believe you're going to vegas and you're not going to gamble. this is upsetting. not fair!" sorry nori-chan, next time we can take the girls and i can be your free babysitter. =)

the flight home

well, i missed my flight. i was up until about 3 am hanging out with my mom, packing, and feeding hiromi-chan. i woke up at 7:30 am, 40 minutes before my plane was scheduled to leave. just great. after rescheduled my flight for that afternoon, i slept in, fed and changed hiromi-chan, played with mia, and had gina's with mom, nori, and the girls.

i saw benjamin linus from "24" at the gate. even better-i sat next to him on the plane!

will write more later about the trip home; worked all day today and have two more shifts to go.

can't wait to read the PBD blog about dinner at sekiya's with the lau's and ohata's!

8 1/2 hours until we go home!

tomorrow morning james and i are flying home so we can attend marsha and dean's wedding - a great excuse to make another trip home to visit family and friends!

i can't wait to get home and... (in no particular order)
squish my toes in the sand
see my mommy
eat my mommy's home cooking
eat shave ice at waiola
go shopping with nori
eat poke
eat dark dark chocolate chocolate chip ice cream from bubbies
drink some real fruit punch
see the celebration girls and the new babies
go to walmart with amber
see my neices mia and hiromi
drive with the windows down and not catch a cold
watch the sunset
witness the newest dance the lau kids have practiced
go to ward starbucks
visit russell at the mac store and get an ipod (...finally)
laugh about stupid stuff with amber
go to manoa to see my aunty and uncle
eat fresh fish
visit fcf and kuc
not have to go to work for 6 days! yippie!

i guess i should pack now. =)

end of shift fun

ghaaaa. had to transfer a pt to the step down unit at the change of shift. boy oh boy, the receiving nurse was NOT happy, to say the least. after receiving the pt around 1300, a couple hours later we learned that the pt was transfered to us on mistake! so she left around 1930 - the golden hour of giving and receiving report. (fyi - if you're ever in the hospital, 7:00-7:30 am or pm is a very bad time to ask your nurse for a cup of water.) felt bad for the nurse, b/c receiving a pt at change of shift sucks. well, i tried my best to keep a positive attitude for my patients and their parents. can't say i didn't try my hardest.

my other pt was a sweet little 2 y/o that we know from her previous hospitalization. she was a near drowner, and is now in an almost-vegetative state. she is dependent on another person for all of her care. her laughter and smiles have been replaced by silence and the empty look in her eyes. her mom is so patient and devoted to her daughter's care, as she sleeps maybe 4 hours a day because she hardly leaves her daughters side. amazing what kids do to you she said. i agree, as my younger sister has grown up drastically since our dad's death, getting married, and the birth of her first daughter (all within 3 years). nori told me a couple of months ago of how her husband told her to drive faster one day, and she replied with, "i've been driving fast my whole life, i don't need to drive fast anymore!" if you know my sister, she was a rascal that ran away from home, and used to race her car down the H1 late at night. she's a great mom now. =)

i finally get 2 days off now, then work for four 12's, then james and i go home to hawaii for 6 days!!!!!!!! gotta catch up the never ending school work.

hospice nursing

sunsets: reflections for life's final journey, written by deborah howard, rn, chpn, is a book written by a christian nurse who has worked extensively in hospice and palliative care. the book is deeply rooted in scripture and incorporates her experiences as a hospice nurse. i found this book at in christ books while shopping for a bible today. after reading the beginning of chapter 1, i was moved to tears. i am looking forward to the rest of the book.

why is the concept of hospice so important to me? i can't quite put words to this tugging in my heart. i guess the combination of my dad's sudden death, and watching kids suffer and die is just the tip of the iceberg. when we move back home to honolulu this summer, i will continue to pursue my master's in nursing leadership and management in hopes of starting a pediatric hospice in hawaii one day.

where did he go?

well, i found out that his heart went to a 4 year old, and they were able to find kids that needed his lungs, bowel, kidney, and liver. amazing. at least he did not suffer very long, and some good was able to come out of his sudden death. i know God has a reason for everything.

i have been fighting this head cold/flu since monday, and still have the hanabadas and body aches. it's a bummer that i'm not well enough to go snowboarding tomorrow while at our church's college retreat. i'm sure the 20 degree windchill while on the lift wouldn't be good for my breathing. james and i will be cooking for about 16-17 people. seems like he'll be doing most of the cooking as of right now; don't want to spread my germs around. =)

goodbye

well, i am starting this blog because i realized that i need an outlet for work. it's not healthy to keep things inside.

today was the first time i had a patient that was pronounced brain dead on my shift. he was 3 years old and beautiful. other than his ventilator and many tubes, you would've never known he had a life threatening condition that took his life. he had no manifestations of his brain tumor, and his condition deteriorated very rapidly within the past 3 days, especially at the beginning of my shift this morning. it was an emotional rollercoaster talking to his mom and dad, answering their questions, getting supplies for the docs, witnessing multiple neurological tests that determined his brain death, not to mention keeping up with labs, his drips, meds, hourly vitals and charting. the clencher for me was when his 6 year old sister came in to see him for the last time. after she left, his mom and i agreed that she didn't realize the gravity of the situation. he's not going home with her today. she won't hear his voice again. no more playtime. no more snacktime together. why God allows such pain is beyond me. as i look back on this day, i remember driving to work and praying that God would help me to be a compassionate, caring, patient, and skillful nurse today. He answered all those prayers, but not in the way i expected. perhaps He lead me to my patient today so i could lay hands and pray for his mom and dad as they spoke to doc after doc about his grave situation? i am thankful that i was able to pray for them throughout the day. i was stretched physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally today during my 13 or so hour shift. when i came home i gave my husband big hug and stayed in his arms for awhile, thankful for another day God has given me and the ones i love. goodbye sweet boy, see you in heaven one day.